Every Woman Should . . .
The following three pieces came out of the following prompt
Every Woman Should Know . . . by Elizabeth Taylor-Mead
Every woman should know that it’s okay to spend a day or two or a week in bed, alone, putting her phone in airplane mode, wearing flannel pajamas for comfort, ignoring the pile of books she hopes to read in favor of the pile of magazines with articles about celebrities and beauty tips.
Every woman should know that it’s okay to keep the TV remote next to her pillow so she can binge a couple more episodes of The Duchess of Duke Street instead of switching off the light and getting that 8 to 10 hours of replenishing sleep that Arianna Huffington touts as the key to healthy longevity.
Every woman should know that it’s okay to only leave the oasis of her high queen size bed to make necessary bathroom runs or to stealthily tiptoe downstairs in her slippers, pointedly not looking at the bossy To Do list calling from the clipboard on her kitchen table as she piles a tray with ready-made snacks from her cupboard, refills her water glass, and returns directly to bed.
Every woman should know that it’s okay to stop the carousel of the high energy “party of one” life she’s created for herself, admired by friends whose daily routines contain many fewer moving parts, with built in downtime.
Everywoman should know that it’s okay to unplug occasionally, really unplug, and surrender to a single-cell-sluggishness-of-epic-proportion-and-achieve-absolutely-nothing-productive period of time, the duration of which is bound by no time limit.
Every woman should know that it’s okay to declare these periods valid, no matter how much her mother would have disapproved, and though the taking of this time feels somewhat embarrassing and secretive.
Every woman should know that it’s not only okay to just stop and do nothing until the stock of personal, individual juice is refilled, but it’s necessary.
Every Woman Should Know . . . Gabriella Sainz
Every woman should know when to quit a bad job, a bad relationship, and a bad hairdresser.
Every woman should know that getting pregnant is always an option and that you can also opt out.
Every woman should have a nice set of cocktail glasses to use when having people over.
Every woman should have the phone number of a good handyman, a good dentist, and a good friend.
Every woman should have a little black dress for seduction, for funerals, and for business deals.
Every woman should know how to balance her checkbook, how to balance her diet, and how to balance her life.
Every woman should know how to cook an earthy soup.
Every woman should know when to grow roots in a place and when to leave that same place behind.
Every woman should know how to say thanks, how to say you’re welcome, and above all, how to say NO when needed be.
Every woman should have in her purse: a Swiss army knife, a pen, a nail file, and a bottle of aspirins.
Every woman should know by heart at least one poem, one song, and one folk tale to pass down to future generations.
Every woman should know not only how to make friends, but also how to keep them.
I am a woman, but what do I know?
I know that right now the sun shines, but that eventually the sun will go down and night will come.
What else do I know? I know that no matter how many people love me or care for me, I can only count on myself to get ahead in life. I should know by now that growing old is a process and not something that happens overnight.
I do know that you can have everything, but the real question is: do I really want to have to handle and deal with everything?
I know that nothing good (or bad) lasts forever and yet, I pray every morning for life to remain forever as it is now.
I am a woman and I know many things. Some are not important. Others are. Some might make you win a point or two at a pub quiz night. Others will be perfectly useless. And yet, I am a woman who should know when to start a project and when to give it up.
Perhaps, I am a woman who has traveled the world and who has finally found her place in it.
I am a woman in search of an art career, a woman who knows where she wants to go. A woman who has found her calling in life.
I am my own kind of woman.
Every Man Should Know . . . by Kali Dunne
Every man should admit that women are the stronger sex. They should enter all relationships knowing this is a fact, clear and well established.
Although they can build up their muscle power — six pack abs physique and grunt and grow beards and unruly underarm hair, they should resign themselves to a back seat in their intimate relationships.
They are encouraged to use their muscle prowess to repair leaky faucets, repair any holes they may have punched in the walls, lift and rearrange heavy furniture with a smile until their partner is content with the new configuration, trap and remove any birds or bats or squirrels or rodents that have found their way into any walls, basements or attics, or rooms.
If they are inclined to watch any sporting events, they must do so once their domestic chores are done and do so only in remote locations like garages, attic rooms, or huts constructed by them as far away from the main house as possible.
Every man should be educated on the history of their gender’s despicable behavior of hunting animals for sport and not food, waging and fighting in wars that kill off their own human kind, acts of rape, murder, mass killings, and all manner of violence, not to mention corruption and greed in all levels of government and business.
Every man should know that this legacy of male aggression is hereby banned as women take over the challenges of running the earth — what is left of it after their ignoring mounting pollution. Every man should know that they are banned from meeting in large groups, organizing for any political appointment. Men are hereby banned from engaging in non-consensual sex.